Saw IV comes out on Friday, October 26!! (tomorrow) I cannot wait! I am going to a late showing and watching the fourth movie of my favortie movie series. Saw is about a man named John that is dying of brain cancer. He feels that others do not appreciate their life as much as they should and decides to put them in situations in which they are in danger of (and usually do) lose their life. He has many victims and only a few live to continue their lives and find a new appreciation of life. Each victim must figure out a complex puzzle in order to stay alive or save another persons life. The end of each of these movies is a mind-boggling twist and end to a complicated puzzle. In Saw III Jigsaw (John) dies and so does his assistant so this movie may have a terrific ending!

If I were to leave this world tomorrow I would hope that i have left a good mark on the people in my life. I think about this all the time. I always hope that i havent wasted my life doing things that are not important like worrying myself too much with school work. For those of you who have read “Contents of a Dead Man’s Poecket”, I feel like i may end up like him. Taking work too seriously and willing to risk my life for a promotion or an idea for work. I dont want to devote my life to things like that. I would rather devote my life to family and friends and love.

Latley I have been trying to not be overly concerned myself with things like school and getting in trouble or ALWAYS doing the right thing. Im trying to realize its ok to do the wrong thing somethines and take some risks or else my life isnt being lived. I dont want to leave this Earth with everyone feeling like i was nothing but a workaholic and that i concerned myself with things that didnt matter that much. I want people to say things like “she was a good friend” or “i could alwys come to her with something” or “i remeber the time we really messed up together, and it was so much fun”.  I hope that i can let go of my fear of messing up or getting in trouble for anything and live my life like it is my last day because i do not want to be sitting worrying and fearing silly things on my last day here.  You only get one life, you might as well fill it with things you love doing.

I know it has been a while but i felt that everyone who didnt know already should know that i did end up dropping ASR. I dropped it at the end of September after i finished a project i had already been working on with Liz. Mrs. Girtain agreed that if i was feeling stressed at all that it was a good idea to drop it because she doesnt want it to be a program that is a burden on the student. She wants the student to want to do the work and i most certainly did not. Ha ha. In the end, it did end up being a huge stress reliever granted i still get a little stressed. I am not nrarly as stressed as i was while i was in it and i have much more free time noe to do what i would like and to focus on other work that is more important. =)

Here is something I wrote a while ago that I really liked.

Keep smiling

I cant see its all the same

Keep smiling

I cant have anyone to blame

Keep smiling

I cant find what I’m looking for

Keep smiling

I cant keep coming back for more

Keep smiling

I cant see the end

I cant keep smiling

When I promenade out that door, I deficient to province into the womb of time. I dearth to have dibs on tutelage to see the light of life tot he fullest and not appropriate everything so seriously. Ascertain that it is O.K. To roll the stone of Sisyphus sometimes and I don’t always retain to deporting by the aphorism. I require to be felicitous with my life. I crave to still acquire the confrères I obtain now and for each of us to have a triumphant sentience. I lack to maintain Paula Deen as my gourmand and Green Day to be gamboling and for me to contend thereupon them. I omit the whole kit and kaboodle of my fraternization to be hereunto. I would fancy Kurt Cobain to behoove fecund to refute him and inquire him whereby he matrixed. I miss by a mile Mrs. Cotter to be there to glad hand me démodé the portal. Though in this out of sight life there may be paradox interregnum, I will forevermore ween that aggregate will be zenith and I can prevail it.

      I’ve been told recently that i haven’t been very happy latley and that when I am happy, I don’t stay that way for long because i get upset very easily and honestly this is from stress. Within the first two weeks of school I had nine projects and essays assigned to me. I had:

-two Biology essays

- 50 Spanish charts

-Book Review

-Summer read

-Ap history essay

-20 ASR articles

         *Highlight: main ideas, scientists, and vocabulay

         *Put vocab (defined) and scientists in list

-ASR Powerpoint project

-A scrapbook

I don’t know if i am crazy but i think that is A LOT of work for the first month of school. In my head I am thinking it can only get harder from here and i am already stressed out of my mind because on top of all of this I am going to be in the play and fall production and have dance lessons. My personal fix to this is to drop ASR because it is the most work. I joined it to maybe get somehting extra on my college application, but now i don’t even feel it is worth it. I am not even interested in it anymore. Even if I do stay with it till my senior year (through all of the other AP classes i am going to have and the extra activities i will have), I will have not much of a social life, and i might not even get the scholarship that only one person per class gets. I don’t know if i am crazy and everyone just thinks I am overreacting, but i really feel this way. If anyone can back me up on this please let me know. I want to know if I am making the right descision in dropping it. I think i am but i would like some feedback please.